{"id":2408,"date":"2018-11-22T17:43:17","date_gmt":"2018-11-22T17:43:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jboor.net\/?p=2408"},"modified":"2018-11-23T17:14:48","modified_gmt":"2018-11-23T17:14:48","slug":"why-you-shouldnt-eat-an-elephant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/?p=2408","title":{"rendered":"Why You Shouldn’t Eat an Elephant"},"content":{"rendered":"

In honor of Thanksgiving Day, I present the following poetastrical pamperistrophe, composed several years ago by its own author, myself namely.<\/em><\/p>\n

Why You Shouldn’t Eat an Elephant<\/b><\/p>\n

You shouldn’t eat an elephant
\nBecause they’re so intelligent.
\nYou might think that’s irrelevant,
\nBut I would disagree.<\/p>\n

Besides, it’s hard to sell events
\nInvolving eating elephants,
\nAnd you would need a swell of friends,
\nTo help you eat an elephant,
\nAnd (anyone can tell) offense
\nWould spread to other elephants,
\nWho then would come and fell the fence
\nEncompassing the tenements
\nWherein their brother elephants,
\nAre being topped with condiments
\nAnd entering the alimentary
\n canals
\nOf denizens of elephantophagial settlements!
\nOh, gee!<\/p>\n

Now you might say, “Oh, hell! If ants
\nAnd flies can eat an elephant
\nThat naturally fell (events
\nConspiring to return him to his elements)
\nWhy shouldn’t we?<\/p>\n

But please don’t eat an elephant.
\nIt will be just as well; it’s anti-
\nElephantic sentiment
\nTo persecute the elephant,
\nAnd manifests the contra-pachydermal temperament,
\nThat’s prevalant
\nAmong the cruel consumers of the elephant.
\nYou see?<\/p>\n

I hope I’ve spoken well. If any
\nBody else can tell if any
\nBetter words could quell events
\nMalignant to the elephants,
\nPlease contact me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In honor of Thanksgiving Day, I present the following poetastrical pamperistrophe, composed several years ago by its own author, myself namely. Why You Shouldn’t Eat an Elephant You shouldn’t eat an elephant Because they’re so intelligent. You might think that’s irrelevant, But I would disagree. Besides, it’s hard to sell events Involving eating elephants, And …<\/p>\n

Continue reading ‘Why You Shouldn’t Eat an Elephant’ »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2408","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5eFJp-CQ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2408","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2408"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2408\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2413,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2408\/revisions\/2413"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2408"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2408"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2408"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}