http:\/\/www.jboor.net\/snd\/turnouts.mp3<\/a><\/audio><\/p>\nHere are the official, hysterically accurate lyrics of “Jesse James”<\/p>\n
Well, the Outlaws of old,
\nThey were famous, they were bold.
\nAnd they all obtained the famousest of fame.
\nBut the famousest of names
\nIn the Outlaw Hall of Fame
\nWas the famous name of a guy by the name
\nOf Jesse James.<\/p>\n
Now Jesse James was born
\nOn a war-torn, forlorn morn
\nIn the abject lonesome state of Mis-sou-ree,
\nWhere, as might have been expected,
\nHe was adversely affected
\nBy the awful, gruesome things that he did see.<\/p>\n
So, like, one time, for example,
\nThey trampled on his Grample
\nAnd they tried to hang his Grammle from a tree.
\nAnd if you had seen his mamma,
\nThat alone had been a trauma.
\nAnd he prob’ly could’ve used some therapee. <\/p>\n
Now from such a horrid start, he
\nWent to swillin’ straight Bacardi,
\nAnd whene’er he was to parties, he was rude.
\nHe gave everyone a hassle
\nBy behaving like an asshole.
\nJesse James was a real screwed up dude.<\/p>\n
Screwed up dude.
\nScrewed up dude.
\nJesse James was a real screwed up dude.
\nHe probably had rabies
\nAnd he bullied little babies.
\nJesse James was a real screwed up dude. <\/p>\n
So he joined a group of haters
\nBy the name of Quantrell’s Raiders.
\nThey were famous mutilators in the land.
\nThey just rode around horses,
\nSore abusing all their forces,
\nHaving fun and amputating people’s hands.<\/p>\n
Oh, but what that war was over,
\nJesse sat down to discover
\nWhat might be the skills and assets he’d accrued.
\n“Of such things you’ve not an ounce, sir,”
\nSaid the local high school counselor,
\n“Jesse James, you’re a real screwed up dude.”<\/p>\n
Screwed up dude.
\nScrewed up dude.
\nJesse James was a real screwed up dude.
\nNo, he couldn’t get a boot in,
\n‘Cept for lootin’ and for shootin’.
\nJesse James was a real screwed up dude.<\/p>\n
But there was this famous writer,
\nA professional benighter
\nAnd inciter of the feckless multitude.
\nHe corrupted public mores
\nWith exaggerated stories
\nOf the glories of this sorely screwed up dude. <\/p>\n
You see, they had this strange obsession
\nWith insolent transgression
\nSince their late bid for secession went to seed.
\nThey desired a concrescence
\nOf their violated essence
\nWhich they found in Jesse’s grim and lawless deeds.<\/p>\n
So all the people gave him thanks
\nWhen he robbed their stupid banks
\nAnd abolished all the value they’d construed.
\nHe was a pure instantiation
\nOf social alienation,
\nBetter known as a truly screwed up dude.<\/p>\n
Screwed up dude.
\nScrewed up dude.
\nJesse James was a real screwed up dude.
\nAlthough he never did get busted,
\nHe was awful maladjusted.
\nJesse James was real screwed up dude.<\/p>\n
Screwed up dude.
\nScrewed up dude.
\nJesse James was a real screwed up dude.
\nHe gave everyone a hassle
\nBy behaving like an asshole.
\nJesse James was real screwed up dude. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
1: rough take of an allegedly humorous song about Jesse James. This one is a hit with the bursting outdoor crowds at the Fort Ross Store, who especially like the audience participation element, which is not represented on the recording, which has so far produced a sentence groaning under a multitude of subordinate clauses, so …<\/p>\n
Continue reading ‘Outlaw Ballads and Highway Safety’ »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2893","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5eFJp-KF","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2893","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2893"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2893\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3027,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2893\/revisions\/3027"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2893"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2893"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jermboor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2893"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}